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Stuff You Know... — Description
...if you have an AK47:

-It works though you have never cleaned it. Ever.
-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn
-Cheap mags are fun to buy.
-Your safety can be heard from 300 meters away.
-Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling
-Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter.
-You can put a .30" hole through 12" of oak, if you can hit it.
-When out of ammo your rifle will nominally pass as a club.
-Recoil is manageable, even fun.
-Your sight adjustment goes to "10", and you've never bothered moving it.
-Your rifle can be used by any two bit nation's most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide.
-You paid $350.
-You buy cheap ammo by the case.
-You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted.
-Service life, 50 years.
-It's easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes.
-You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.
-You consider it a badge of honor when you get your handguards to burst into flames.
-After a long day the range you relax by watching "Red Dawn".
-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka.
-You can accessorize you rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.
-Your rifle's finish is varnish and paint.
-Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov.
-Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout "Wolverines!"

...if you have an M16:

-You have $9 per ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon infused oil for cleaning.
-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters
-Cheap mags melt.
-You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger
-Your rifle has a 9 point stealth tactical suspension system.
-Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.
-You can put one hole in a paper target at 100 meters with 30 rounds.
-When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat.
-What's recoil?
-Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.
-Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two bit nations' most illiterate conscripts.
-You paid $900.
-You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.
-Your foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.
-Service life, 40 years.
-You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.
-You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, it's under warranty!
-You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group.
- After a long day at the range you relax by watching "Blackhawk Down".
-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hotdogs and apple pie.
-Your rifle's accessories cost eight times as much as your rifle.
-Your rifle's finish is Teflon and high tech polymers.
-Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Eugene Stoner.
-Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.

...if you have a Mosin Nagant:

-It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.
-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn...from two counties away.
-What's a mag?
-What's a safety?
-Your rifle has dog collars.
-Your bayonet is longer than your leg.
-You can knock down everyone else's target with the shock wave of your bullet going downrange.
-When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, or tent pole
-Recoil is often used to relocate shoulders thrown out by the previous shot.
-Your sight adjustment goes to 12 miles and you've actually tried it.
-Your rifle has fought against itself and won every time.
-You paid $59.95.
-You dig your ammo out of a farmer's field in Ukraine and it works just fine.
-You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving the comfort of your fighting hole.
-Service life, 100 years, and counting.
-You believe no real man would dare risk the ridicule of his friends by suggesting there is anything but 7.62x54r.
-If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.
-You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a 2x4.
-After a long day at the range you relax by watching "Enemy At The Gates".
-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for shishkabob.
-Your rifle's accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it's buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.
-Your rifle's finish is low grade shellac, cosmoline and Olga's toe nail polish.
-You're not sure there WERE cameras to photograph Sergei Mosin.
-Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig a fighting trench in the the yard to sleep in.