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Published: 2017-06-04 16:20:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 393; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 0
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Description
This is my oc i have been developing for months.. If there is anything wrong with him please give your critic in the comments please.And savdraws go away (shoo)
Main Identity:
Damien Rayes. A 23 year old Dominican serial killer but covers his identity through music. A popular singer that uses his appearance for his fans to be in a trance with him. (Aka to fangirl for him)
Background story:
His family. a mother, father, two brothers and a sister, was in a mental hospital for around 5 years. His mother had autism and was hit in the head many times due to having fights with the father. They started to get worse and assume things as most doctors and nurses didn't help them. They then wanted to escape and successfully did since no one was watching them and it was a shitty hospital with a low budget at the time. They lived in an abandon house since they had no money and started to steal from people. As they were living there, the mother was very religious and thought that God sent her to Earth to get rid of people that sinned in the area, Damien helped her to commit these crimes. If she sees a person that is robbing the store, a murderer, a prostitute, etc., she would stalk them and wait till the time is right to kill them. She didn't torture them, but just a few stabs with a knife or beaten with a spiked bat she made from the garbage. She forced the rest of the family to go to church every Sunday and this is how Damien became religious such as his mother. However, the rest of the family did not like this routine since they were forced to. One day, the mother and the oldest brother was arguing about going to church and he slapped her due to rage. She got really mad and beat him to death. After this, the next day the father and sister ran away but Damien stayed with the mother. They went into a romantic relationship and even had sex with each other. This was around when he was 14 years old. His mother past away when one day she tried to kill a murderer but failed as the murderer was one step ahead of her and shot her in the head. Damien was in the background and saw this happening. He took his mother spiked bat she was supposed to use and beat the man to death. Once that was over, he had sex with his mother's dead corpse and buried her in-front of the church she always went to. After this, he decided to take her place and killed the people who sinned.
Yes I know that in the bible it is wrong to kill, but remember that Damien learned all of this from his mother. His mother taught him of the bible, she taught him how to kill, she kept putting it in his head over and over again that God sent them to destroy the sin.
Please note that I am not saying that people with autism should be in the mental hospital or some shit like that. It's just for entertainment and I added it for reasons. It's not to make him edgy cause believe me I hate edgy ocs.
If there is any grammar errors then please forgive me about that.
Personality:
He is autistic, bipolar and has split personality disorder.
His main personality is that he takes things seriously, he has that "I don't care" mood, mostly awkward and is rude. This personalty is mostly shown when he is alone or is with his manager.
However, his other personality is what he uses in front of his fans. His is mostly kind and is flirtatious. Damien uses this all of the time when he is at his concert.
(Note that when he kills he doesn't smile or some shit like that. He has a cold expression most of the time and doesn't care if the person is screaming or crying. This can be called his third personality but I am still thinking about it)
Some facts about him:
1. He has night terrors alot of the times and this can lead to hurting himself or other people who is trying to calm himself down.
2. Damien wishes he can kill himself sometimes but in the bible its a sin to commit suicide so that's why he doesn't do it
3. He doesn't care about anyone else, he only cares for his mother.
4. He is mostly inspired from the song "let's kill tonight" from Panic at the Disco, so that's his cannon voice for now.
Related content
Comments: 12
Thats the thing about him. He thinks god wants him to do this cause of his mother. Everything in his head that tells him what to do is because he remembers what his mother did. Its sort of a death note kind of situation.
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"sick in the head", "insane asylum" and "autism" in the same sentence.... urk!
sorry, but since i have autism myself, this is unsettling for me to read.
it just sounds like saying "autistic people are actually really changelings!" or "autistic people do not belong into our society.".
autism does not make somebody a "monster" or "insane". autism is just a different way of thinking and observing the environment around you. autists have to learn things that other people can do intuitive, so to speak. like social bonding or maintaining eye-contact in a convrsation.
i think that this kind of view on autism can have a negative impact on how people treat others, who are autistic.
and have you ever been in an insane asylum or mental hospital? i also doubt that people with such personality disorders are able to escape such a facility. bipolar-disorders arenot only rapidly changing behaviours. like one day, you're friendly and in the next day, you are very aggressive, as far as i know and that you can't really control it, to a biploar disorder is also episodes of depression, which i can't find here, you got suicide thought there, though. there is also hyperactivity. although some of these things, you mention here do match with a bipolar disorder, it's more like a change of personality on specific occasions. with a bipolar disorder, he wouldn't change his behviour, just because he's with person X or people Y. and how didn't it interfere with the escape plan? such disorders can keep you from thinking straight (you also mentioned that his parents have the same mental conditions). and escaping from such a facility is way more complicated than you think. the patients get relaxation medications, sometimes, to damp aggressive behaviour. they also get bondage and other kind of movements-restrictions to keep them out of danger for themselves and to reduce the danger that comes from them.
just wanted to give my two cents here.
and i'm sick of this trope "if you have a mental illness, you are most likely to become an inhumane killer". it's just shitty towards people who actually suffer from mental illnesses. many mentally ill people are not even capable of murder.
and please do some research, if you want to include a mental illness or explain how the mental illness shows symptoms in his behaviour. i also fail to see how he's autistic. you could explain this a bit better.
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I'm very sorry to hear this. I didn't mean any of this to mean that autism is bad or it means insanity. I wanted to make a character that isn't a villain but can be shown as one due to society. It's hard to explain. I know autism isn't a bad thing, but people make fun of it. I wanted to balance him and show how society would react to a popular singer but has mental disabilities. When I meant sick in the head, I meant the disabilities he has. I didn't mean it in the wrong way. I'm really sorry for how I put it. I should have put it in different words. I put him in an insane asylum cause it shows that people would rather call people the insane instead of helping people. Then Damien would become a serial killer due to the lack of help and misunderstanding from other people. And this made him worse with depression and his mind. It isn't good to not get help, and this is what happened to him. So many things were put in his mind and he believed them and took it too far. This is what I wanted to represent in the comic I'm doing with him. Again I'm truly sorry if you took it the wrong way. I have nothing against autistic people. I even have an autistic cousin in my family.
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well, when i write characters that are a victim of society, i mostly start with, how society sees them and how the character is treated. in your character's profile, there isn't much to it. i may suggest that you add some more to this topic.
the profile so far just showed what your character did. like killing other people, the case with his parents and his profession, while just shortly evaporating his suicide-thoughts. too shortly in my opinion. i think you might need to look at how you present him. the way you've wrote it seems too flat. the backstory is too short-paced and i actually lost track. it's a messy read. i recommend you to re-write it and extend it a bit.
also, it sort of contradicts the "victim of society"-aspect, if the reason behind the killings is absurd. and the reason why he wants to kill 380 people is actually a bit absurd. like, how did come to this conclusion that he has to do this? you know, even if the thought-scheme of a character is inconsistent, this just seems too forced. i would recommend you to atleast explain why and how he came up with this idea. to make it more comprehendable, y'know? or to make up another reason why he's doing what he's doing.
also, what i would recommend you, is to put more thought into the aspect of having multiple personalities, how they influence his life and if they might "collide" with eachother and maybe his morales. just an idea.
i hope i could help you.
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Alright. Thank you for this criticism. I'll change it when I have the chance to.
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i'm glad i could help you.
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