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gutterbreed β If This Is Romance
Published: 2005-08-28 19:36:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 92; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
You poured your feet in your shoes this morning[And forgot to shut the door]
I could hear your words as if half asleep
Coming through the wall
Down the hall
Soft, like the footsteps of kittens
Oh, what glorious mornings
When my split lip starts to heal
And the tiles aren't cold...
...they're still warm from last night...
When we made love with our fists
In the cold moonlight
I kissed you upside the jaw,
My lovely lovely darling; you look better swollen
You're feeding Alka Seltzer to the birds at the park
While the gag on my tongue gets wetter
The ceiling's dripping
And I would get that leak fixed [if it wasn't the only company I had]
Bad spirits here
That I don't have the energy to exorcise
But they've earned their keep
(by whispering in my ear)
And I love you doll
love you
love you
love you
...so why won't you go away?
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Comments: 10
I really like the phrase "You poured your feet in your shoes this morning" - It's an awesome image and a great attention-getter; all-around a v. good line.
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wow - this is such an old piece i didn't know anybody read these anymore!
thank you
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that'd make an interesting movie, that's for sure.
there's only one thing i'd suggest editing, cause i feel like it takes away from the poemβthe rhyme in the first stanza, "wall" and "hall," it just feels a little forced. . . .
i love your images in this, especially in the second stanza. brilliant.
this is some of that rare breed of poetry where you shiver as you read it, because, even if you've never lived anything like what's written, you can somehow still relate, that's how good the piece is.
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oh, i never really noticed the rhyme...haha!
maybe i should change it, but it was the only way i could describe such a scene that was in my head. and unintentional rhyming is always fun. y'know, the whole "i'm a poet and i didn't know it" gig.
thanks 
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I actually don't like the bold. I think it takes away from the otherwise graphic description of love.
I notice that you use these forms of visual emphasis often in your poems. Why? What effect do you want them to have here?
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mmm, it's supposed to feel a little violent.
i recalled the way my dad used to read poetry, like a run-on sentence, and i couldn't stand it. i like pauses, hesitation. it makes the point more clear, so i started using them so he'd read them differently, and it wound up being something i liked.
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now that's interesting. kind of like a reader's guide. I think I might try that.
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Wow. This poem has a very strong voice. I love what you've done with the layout (using italics and bold etc.) it kind of feels like it's a different part of the same person speaking. Some of the images eg. 'footsteps of kittens' and 'made love with our fists' are very powerful. I can see this vividly in my mind. At the same time you manage to ensure nothing is obvious. An Excellent piece of writing! 
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No worries! (I'm afraid I can't help myself. 
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i'm horrible about typos. they crop up everywhere!
thanks for pointing them out
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