HOME | DD

Description
mom.  did you ever realize that this would be the result of your encouragement.
     “just give it a chance honey.”

  i can’t blame you.  though i am so tired of blaming myself.

you... you never really knew me at all then?
              a soul has become an addiction.
   i am not.  this is not.  okay.

i cannot pick up and drop off feelings like old books
        borrowed and then returned in slightly worse shape.


trapped.  entangled in something i should have denied from the start.

    WHY.  why did you choose the one thing that would destroy me.
                      i swear i told you a million times.

   stay.  stay away!

   but you could not.

and daddy.  what about how you said you would protect me from all pain?
                        that, “wherever you go my heart is right there with you.”

    it made me cry you know.  although i couldn’t tell you that at the time.

  what did i do to deserve
            unbounded, self-destructive, irreversible

        love

i wrote these words just above my wrist.  forgiven.  loved.  holy.  precious.
trying so hard to believe...
    but the ink was soon washed away, just like my hope, leaving no trace.

i am tearing myself to pieces like tissue paper

    can you not see that i have always been
disposable?

  i can handle your hatred.  but i cannot handle your love.