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FaeBelowDeck — We're Done. [NSFW]


We're Done.
Published: 2023-05-25 16:30:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 3530; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 0
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Description Yep, including names now because i'm over it.
Gonna preface this by saying i do not want anyone to go respond to or harass them.
It's not worth it, trust me.
I'm sharing their names because they're a public menace.
In fact, i'm warning you to block them because they're obsessive.

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TRIGGER WARNING:

Sexual trauma and survivorship, PTSD, mentions of murder.

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        The post these delightful comments are under is by the Darklight person, and of course he is friends with Dryden.
Lol go figure.
At least they have each other.
Anyway, Dark made a fuckin' Moby Dick-sized journal about me last October, which is whatever.
I didn't know about it until just yesterday, because Dryden is obsessed with me and had to go commenting and have a convo with him recently about my "hypocrisy," regarding this post of mine:


www.deviantart.com/faebelowdec…


Spoiler alert, i called people names and was mean and angry and cussed a lot.
I know, what a shock, lmao, not like it's my entire brand or anything.
But yeah, i was REALLY fucking hurt 9 months ago, and if you've already seen it all then you know why.
Now i'm not about to link Dark's journal because it's trash and it doesn't matter, but what really got under my skin is these two men, who do not know me, who do not know the actual pain of surviving any sexual trauma, have decided to have opinions about who was "right" between me and the girl who commented on my art of mine and Kitten's Spyro OC, Fizzle.
(I actually feel so childish lmao, but we feel it has to be addressed.)
You remember, the fellow trauma survivor who managed to miss the trigger warning at the top of Fiz's bio, freaked out and had to walk away from the computer, collected herself just to tell me OUR ideas were unnecessary for the sake of "edge," told me my coping mechanisms were "vile," acted like she was better than me because she goes to therapy (which is excellent! Good for her!), never accepted responsibility for handling her feelings about the piece wrong, and then we both went off about our lives?
I ranted, and then spent months reeling from it all.

This next part will cause Dark and Dryden to accuse me of playing victim (i love how the other girl was allowed to be a victim but i'm not allowed to have problems, apparently i am 1-dimensional).
Fine, whatever, if they see me that way it doesn't matter and ya'll already have seen the aforementioned vent piece.
But when i say i reeled, i mean i went through it.
The other girl was entitled to feeling upset by the bio, she was even entitled to her mistake of missing the TW -- that's normal.
As i stated months back, had she privately approached me and told me it upset her without dragging down my work and making me feel like pure shit, i would have been...completely normal and chill about the whole thing, and encouraged her to be more careful going forward because our works can be heavy.

At the time that had happened, it was just after i started my healing journey over my own trauma.
And since Dumb and Dumber are so fuckin' nosy and are definitely going to see this because they're stalkers and obviously depraved, here's why i don't call my trauma "assault."
I wasn't traditionally raped or intentionally abused; my trauma occurred on a table, in a dark room, surrounded by medical equipment, smiling faces and fake-laughing nurses, and a boatload of severe humiliation that has affected me in such a way i have to think of characters being comforted from trauma in order to fucking sleep at night.
Friendly reminder, i cannot afford therapy.
I'm almost 30, and my healing just started.
My incident was a rape, i was penetrated against my will and it changed my brain in every way.
How i sleep, how i organize my thoughts to get through the day, my sexual urges and interests, you name it, it influences it.
Not that i fucking owe two ignorant dudes even a fraction of my story, but evidently you're not above sympathizing with a woman unless she's against the person you have bias towards, right?
You're probably also the type to accuse me of lying about it because i'm actually somewhat comfortable to talk about it, which is another dreadful stereotype about survivors that needs to die.
Because i have news for you, Dark and Dryden.
If i learned you had been in my position, even knowing what cockfucks the two of you are and how much you hate a woman who speaks her mind, i wouldn't think you were wrong for going through what i went through, and reacting the way i did.
I actually have empathy, i recognize that you're people and no people deserve to have gone through this.

Dark accuses me of starting the fight, as if i left that shitty comment on my art.
Bitch, i react.
Even my home life is like this.
But oh i can't bring that up, or i'm being a victim.
And i understand the reflex to say that, but shit, doesn't everyone have a story?
That girl wasn't playing the victim because she was a survivor, that is not what i said -- she was playing the victim by using every excuse in the book to not take responsibility for her rudeness and poor choices of words.
Was i totally innocent?
NO, and i'm pretty sure i addressed that like 16 fuckin' times in my post, but ya know!
Dryden and Dark have negative context comprehension skills.

My experience was, as i describe to Kitten, "gang-raped on a table by a gaggle of nurses and a doctor, in front of my parents," and couldn't tell anyone until like early this year.
My trauma isn't the worst there is, i know that, but that doesn't make it less valid or important.
I was terrified, i was humiliated, i was in pain, and i did not get the consolation i needed.
The shit i endured the rest of my childhood afterwards was fucking unfair (such is life...).

But why am i telling you this...?

Because two men who have never experienced sexual trauma in their lives do not have an opinion to offer about two women who have experienced it.
We have not had the same experiences, and the more you talk, the more obvious it is to everyone how privileged you both are.
Me and the girl were having a disagreement, and you only took her side because you've had a vendetta against me for...god, who knows how long now.
FYI, Dark references a lot of my stuff, so for hating me so much he sure is obsessed!
Like bro, Minecraft???

Really????

What in the blue fuck am i doing to MINECRAFT that you hate so much?! Laughing my ass off!
Because i gave it...A STORY??
So you hate me so much i'm not allowed to have an imagination now?
Does it make you "cringe?"
Does it make you squirm in your pissbaby high chair?
Awww waaaa...
And Dryden, seriously, get over yourself.
You can say i shit all over Spynder day and night, but you don't get to decide what i mean and what i feel.
I do love those two.
I can love multiple things at once -- i know, it's hard to imagine juggling more than one thought per hour, but i actually do like CynEm for reasons besides GoRlS oNLy HURR-DURR.
But not like that matters, aaand you'll deny that anyway.
Fuck you.

What i went through after the ordeal over Fizzle left me scarred for months.
I was so wrecked from it, so shaken, so angry and so sick.
Hey, the other girl was angry?

I'm allowed to be angry, too.
And i had actually managed to let it go, until i find out you're still. fucking. talking about it.
Now that i know two guys are involved, it's like i have to endure a crack of that all over again.
I feel that anger, pain and anxiety tingling through my shoulders and fingertips, the desperate sensation of "How do they not just UNDERSTAND it??? Why do they not just leave it ALONE???"
You lot think i'm mean now?
You have no goddamn idea what mean is.
I hold back online a lot.
Especially with you two.
Get out. of my fucking. face. and stop. fucking. talking about me. and fucking. stalking me.
Get. a fucking. LIFE.
My pain matters just as much as the other girl's did.
I'm not some demon you can drive away with a crucifix and some harsh words; I'm a person.
Ironically, i've treated you with a lot more understanding and respect than you have me, which is saying a lot given my chronic name-calling.

Leave. Me. Alone.

This is your LAST fucking warning.

---





~~Fizzle~~

This has gotten to such an extreme that my husband-to-be, Kitten, is furious.
He's...literally the most gentle and friendly person in my life, so when he's upset it's a pretty big deal.
He's typically quiet and remains offline, which is lovely, as i am always happy to handle the majority of sharing our projects.

Fizzle is his character, his concept, his idea.
I was the illustrator, he was the brains, and i did the writing because i'm more skilled both in language and in organization.
I also am more skilled in drawn art, and thus like always, we agreed i would depict the character.
Ever since this madness (and especially right now), it's been impossible to look at or even think about Fizzle without remembering that crap from last year.
It was awful, and this is a character we've had together for so many years.
Over half our time together, actually, and we've been together for 13 years.
Back when our TLoS lore was a mess, when it was still blossoming and we were younger...
She is very special to us.
Yes, she is a rape survivor.
She is mentally challenged, and she is asexual.
Her story has been slightly different from one iteration to the next, and despite everything, we adore her.

Kitten has agreed, we're going to be honest.
When Kit first came up with her, and as we turned her story to a darker tale (which was YEARS ago), we debated what to do about her sexuality.
We were younger and more ignorant, and more to the point even in private discussions, we didn't know how to handle her feeling attraction towards others.
We didn't want to do it wrong or be inappropriate given her learning disabilities; she is and has always been, a very complex character.
Having her be asexual was a cop-out for us, but we never imagined it was the result of being a survivor.
Because even back then, we knew sexuality is not a result of trauma or coincidence; it is ingrained from birth.
Even before knowing what your preference is or that you have one at all, it is encoded.
You can have interests and such be influenced by childhood events, but not your orientation.
So while we may have initially done the wrong thing at the time, it was for the right reasons.
Sincerely, our hearts were in the right place.

Then, finally, we debuted her tragic history.
It was hard to share it, as it's always hard to share when we write characters as surviving SA.
It's a recurring theme in our work, mostly because i have trauma, but also just because...it happens.
And to have Dark and Dryden up there say we are romanticizing rape by having survivor characters, are you serious...?
It's not porn, for fuck's sake, it's a story.
Fizzle even kills her rapist.
...Ya know what?
If you're unfamiliar with the character, and you wanna see her backstory, here it is.

www.deviantart.com/fae-captain…


And yup, comments are disabled.
What a goddamn shame.

As of now, Fizzle is just asexual because that's how we've always known her.
And like i stated in my Etiquette rant, sometimes a person who just happens to be asexual is a survivor.
Surprise!
I'm a grey-ace, isn't that wild?!
Yeah.
And i'm not grey-ace because of my trauma; this is just how i am.
Funnily enough, i had a handicapped OC for my Atlantis lore back in the day who, despite needing assistance and lots of care, was straight and attracted to some of the women in his life, but remained single.
I didn't get far with him, but i imagined him going through the motions.
Maybe someday, with proper research and care and planning, we'll have an OC that embodies the both of them to some extent and find a way to make them happy with a partner -- or not!
Either way, someone will be upset.
If it exists, someone is gonna be upset about it lol.
Which is fine...but just...handle it responsibly.


        With all that being said, Kitten himself wanted to say a few words about how this has made him feel, as that matters most to me above everything.
Some of what he says mirrors my previous words, but i feel it's important we both share our own pieces on it.
Here is the statement:

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"Fizzle is MY OC.

If someone has a problem with her, they need to come to ME personally and leave my fiancé alone.

The only reason I've been quiet for so long is because Fae respectfully asked me not to get involved, and I respected her enough to back off.

She's let me off my leash so now I'm done being silent.


The fact that someone had the goddamn audacity to say that her story is romanticizing sexual assault is insane.

Like when did THAT happen?

Her story was in part a personal vent work about the fact that SA even happens to people, let alone kids.

Case in point, Fizzle MURDERS HER ASSAULTER!

His buddy also is killed by other dragons!

Where is the romance, exactly???

Because it's mentioned existing?

That's asinine.


One of Dryden's barely-coherent statements suggests that "because people see that stuff, it makes them like it, makes them think it's okay, and that's why it shouldn't ever have representation."

This is what I have come to understand from his words.

All I have to say to that is bitch, if someone is going to commit a rape, a made up Spyro dragon character having a tragic backstory is NOT going to be the reason why!

I openly invite people to read her bio and personally offer ME fair criticism about what is written and ask questions, but to not start a rampage in comments or start a shitty callout post.


Another thing, while I myself am not a survivor of trauma, my fiancé is, and she approved of Fizzle's story, along with another friend of ours who is a SA survivor.

And just recently, another friend of ours has learned about her, and could literally care less.

Fae has many coping mechanisms to help her process her own pain and similar stuff to this is one of them.

So for some cis males to come around and just shit on something so deep and special to the both of us REALLY shows their privilege and ignorance.

They need to butt out.


I would like to be totally honest about Fizzle's sexuality.

She was created WAAAAAY back in the day.

I was ignorant about sexuality, especially in those with learning impairments and disabilities.

So yes, I wanted her to be asexual because I didn't know what to do with that.

But to circle back to the OG beef over her last year, the girl commented that making Fizzle asexual is going into a stereotype that ace people are only ace because of trauma...

And while I do agree that is an awful stereotype, you can't ignore the fact that there are ace people who are SA survivors, so what's wrong with Fizzle being ace, really?

In fact, here's a hot take; even if trauma could influence sexuality, would that matter?

What you like is what you like and that can't be changed -- we have got to stop saying that a person's sexuality is invalid just because some people believe SA "changed" a person.

Just throwing that out there.


We're heartbroken.

I'm heartbroken.

Fizzle was made with so much love and care and now I'm hardly able to enjoy her.

Fae and I want to take some power back with her, but for the time being we're just in a bit of grieving.

Ironically, we both feel -- for lack of a better term, violated.

My love and I deserve to enjoy her without shit like this constantly resurfacing and happening.


If you're still here, thank you.

Please be respectful if you decide to approach me, but know that I am here now.

Fae is not alone in her fights anymore.

I have had enough of sitting idly by.

Thank you for your time."




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For the sake of literacy, Kitten's text and speech patterns are much different than mine, so yes, i did type this out and clean up some of the spelling and grammar, and make some of the sentences more structured.
Just stating that here and now so later down the line people won't see him talking and be like "ERMAHGERD FAE WROTE A FAKE STATEMENT HUEHUEHUE."

Anyway...
I think what he had to say was lovely.



        We're seriously fed up.
I know the two of them are outnumbered, i know they have no actual power and i know like 99% of the Spyro fandom sees right through them, we both know this.
But when operating online, it's important to be transparent about as much as you can, especially about a topic this dangerous.
While i'm at it, Kitten brought up Dryden's suggestion that "people see SA content and think it's okay," which is...false?

Unless in his piss-poor garbled sentence he's insinuating young people develop a fetish after exposure to such content, that's literally not...true...?
That would be like me watching Dateline NBC stories and thinking senseless violence is okay, lmao dawg, what??
Or unless he's saying men will be swayed to think it's okay (to further fuel their campaign that i'm anti-male, despite my extreme love of male characters lmao)...
In all seriousness, like a third of the male global population think it's okay already, so...?
The fuck is your point?
Nothing he said makes any sense, i will not elaborate on that any further because i don't have the spoons, and he clearly has no marbles.
Neither of em do, really.

By the way, Dorklight, yes, i did actually know Skylander's Malefor is Cynder's dad, you fucking hand-to-mouth idiot.
In what context on your entire obsessive rant did that even have shit to do with TLoS?
Jesus Christ, bro.
If you're gonna try to copy my style of smarting off, at least do it right, ya poser.
I love how ya'll just assume because i'm a TLoS buff that means i don't know anything about anything else Laughing my ass off!
I think everyone fuckin' knows that about Skylanders, sheesh.

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That's it, that's the address.
Thanks for reading if you did.
We are not defeated, we are not done with Fizzle and we're not changing her lore.
Going forward, nothing related to her will involve these idiots, because they don't matter.
All that matters is we love her, and we will give her the attention she should have, because she's more than just a survivor.
Truly, she is.
But thanks to all three people who tried to make her be exclusively about that Thank you! Thank you!
She's no more 1-dimensional than i am, you wait and see.

We love our girl.
And we love our friends, too.
Thank you for the consolation and understanding, you're all lovely.
STAY Lovely!
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