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Published: 2004-03-28 02:09:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 93; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 22
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Description
The music wafted around the room like some alluring scent - familiar but so untouchable and strange. As thick as honey the notes would stick in the air of the small room, and our laughs mingled with its sweetness. The sound was kept in those confining walls, but we always knew that they would one day be unleashed unto the world.Music was like food, sleep, and love in those days. It was everything we needed and wanted with the bonus of entertainment. We all lived in a world of score, scales, and staccatos. My father always said, "No matter what our problems this room is always here for you. I promise you that." After mom had died he was always firm on what he gave us; I don't think he himself could bear to lose anything else.
I think my earliest memory of that room was when we got our piano. Four burly men had somehow manoeuvred it up the stairs, and I watched in fascination as they swung it through the dining room. To this day I still believe that beautiful instrument had been shrunk down with magic to be carried up that long, narrow flight of stairs.
My mother directed them in pushing it into the music room. Her hand fluttered softly, and with my head resting on her leg I swear I could feel her heart racing. No one was more excited than mom.
"Your grandma taught me how to play," she said merrily. Her voice was like music. "And now I can teach you."
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Comments: 7
Sophinemo [2004-06-09 18:15:30 +0000 UTC]
about the first two sentences in the second paragraph. food and sleep to not provide "the bonus of entertainment," (well, i suppose sleep could, if you count dreams...). that phrase seems, to me, a little out-of-place anyway. maybe rework it or pitch it altogether. overall i really like it, though. especially the part about the moving and seeming to have been shrunk as by magic to get it up the stairs. it seems like a good beginning, but i agree that it needs to be expanded. the problem there is that the last line here feels like a last line....*shrug* you're the artist. that's just my two cents.
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devilspawn In reply to Sophinemo [2004-06-10 01:15:47 +0000 UTC]
*nods* I agree about those two sentences. I'll work on it for the next stage, but at the time I couldn't think of a better way to put it.
It's good the last line feels like one for this part. I know how I can keep it going, though, with that only being a transition point.
Thanks for the comment
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brwncow [2004-03-31 15:51:29 +0000 UTC]
I gotta be quick, cause i gotta run, so all i'll say is
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devilspawn In reply to brwncow [2004-04-01 01:08:53 +0000 UTC]
*expects criticism at some point*
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devilspawn In reply to StandingFailure [2004-03-28 02:16:13 +0000 UTC]
Thanks Any suggestions/criticism?
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StandingFailure In reply to devilspawn [2004-03-28 02:17:31 +0000 UTC]
none that necissarily jump out at me - good writing all in all
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