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You Matter — Description
A little back story to this piece, and before I get into it, just be forewarned, it's a topic about suicide, if it wasn't obvious.

A few days ago when I was in the middle of a move, nothing was going the way my roommates and I had planned. The lot of us were exhausted but couldn't stop to sleep all for but a few hours because of just how much had to get done. yet it didn't matter... We all pitched in money to buy a trailer for $900. But we blew a tire and had to sit it in a friend's yard until it could be fixed, which at the time, we had no money for.

Our friend's land lady was pissed and wanted all of us off the property and the trailer the next day! Needless to say we were freaking out and we tried calling any sort of tow company that would move our trailer to a park where we could rent an affordable lot, which we sit the trailer on to do repairs, but that's the thing.... No one was willing to help because they were all doing jobs that were too far away, not picking up their phones, or were too expensive to move us.

We lost the trailer after a week of having it... The three of us were so worried about being homeless, we all had to stay at different friend's houses. With me, I stayed at the nursing home where my husband lives. And I've been so worried about him too because of the ammonia build up in his body makes him delirious and unresponsive to conversation some times... With his Wilson's Disease, his liver wasn't doing too great and now his kidneys are suffering...

I wasn't getting much sleep at all to the point where work was nearly impossible. I work a night job at a gas station and they expect you to do everything there that the previous two shifts didn't get to. And we have a lot of lazy people working 2nd...

Because of all the things that were going wrong, on the way to work I let my own thoughts roam... They lead to some dark places.. I even started thinking about what I do on a daily basis. Like... if anything I do is even worth it? Are my efforts going to make a difference and do I matter to anyone?

I then started to even think about my artwork, and while I see positive comments and favorites... They all felt artificial to me... Looking at my artwork, I just feel that its all mediocre fan-art of a 26 year old who refuses to grow up..

Walking up to the crosswalk, I look out to the road leading to my job site. Dark thoughts fluttered in my head.... I was so easy... Too easy... I could just run. People living here were terrible drivers and wouldn't be able to stop...

....

I'm going to sprint across.

...But then I was stopped. I could almost hear someone crying out at the back of my mind telling me to stop. At first I thought I was going crazy, but my thoughts wondered once again, and then I realized, I was stopped by characters I really care about in video games. And apparently they care about me... Sans, Bendy, and Absol blocked me from the road and tried to talk me out of suicide.

At this point, I figured I must've snapped... I was having a conversation in my head with three fictional characters. But I humored them as they howled out reasons why I shouldn't end it all right there.

Bendy grabbed me by my shoulder as Sans grasped my soul with blue magic. Absol blocked the ramp of the cross walk.

I order them to let me go but they wouldn't. They reminded me that I'm a good person, and put a lot of other people's best interests before my own. They hate seeing someone who is so giving to be in such a low state. I'm a hard worker at my job and was a high honor roll student with A's and B's back when I was still attending school. I just wasn't very athletic. Absol reminded me that she's known me since I was in junior high (back in 2003) and she knew that things have been hard all of my life. People weren't entirely kind to me because it was an oddity for a girl to like video games, and because of my timid nature because I have Asperger Syndrome, I was an easy target...

But she told me, not to care about what anyone thinks, I have passion for what I love and do, I shouldn't let other's opinions change my own just because they think a person that doesn't follow stereotypes is "weird".

"Be a nerd! And be proud of it!"

Bendy seconded the notion saying that I'm a much better at taking care of my creations and I actually care about my artwork. He wants to see more people like me, become a success and to truly have our dreams come true.

Sans nodded, and added regarding having a draining job, he perfectly understands. He has two that he needs to keep paying rent on such a large house in Snowdin, but he does it because of how much he loves his little brother. I do the same to help take care of my husband in the nursing home. I try to include him in our Youtube channel in hopes that one day, we would be able to make money that we could live off of so I can take him out of there. He hates living in the nursing home, but without the money to afford home health aid, he has to stay in there until further notice.

Absol frowned and reminded me, if I did what i was going to do, a lot of people would miss me, on top of them. I wouldn't be able to play with them or any other video game characters again. There was my little sister, her boyfriend, my nephew, my little brother, Dad, Mom, Grandfather, Grandpa, my uncle, my aunt, my three cousins, my in-laws, brother-in-law, his wife, all of my friends... and of course, James. My beloved...

And I would have my butt kicked by family that that already passed on by my husband's twin, his dad, Nana, and Grandma... heh... especially Grandma...

There are even people I don't even know very well, that she was sure became inspired to draw from me. That's what happened with me when I first discovered The Pokemon Tower. I looked at other's artwork and that's what got me into drawing myself. I practiced and practiced for years and learned new technics as far as how to draw. I am where I am today because I became inspired by another person.

The three of them hugged me saying to stay determined... It's been hard, but I can make it through life and maybe... just maybe... Help someone in need and inspire others by what I do.

I... do matter.

And I have Absol, Bendy, and Sans to thank for showing me that killing myself would have been the path to not being remembered. If I even was, I would just be a dime a dozen news clipping that will be forgotten in weeks after happening. I am going to prove to everyone, including myself that I can be great. I wanna be... the very best like no one ever was.

Thank you all for listening to my story. This really happened and I did almost kill myself due to my depression and stress. If you, yourself are depressed or in a suicidal state, please let someone you know and trust know and talk with them. Don't bottle it up like I did. If something like this happens again, I may not be so lucky as to have some mental life coaching.

Just remember... Don't. Give. Up... Please. You all matter. *hugs* Never forget that.

Pixel art version -> i68.tinypic.com/xpsk7m.png

Bendy is from Bendy and the Ink Machine owned by The Meatly

Sans is from Undertale owned my Toby Fox

Absol is from Pokemon owned by Game Freak and Nintendo.