Cherubic-Defect In reply to isloden [2010-03-13 23:39:58 +0000 UTC]

Lol. This is an interesting critique. Do you find this opinion unified throughout the entirety of my works or just this specific piece? I admit I fool around with formatting.

If you could provide specifics on why you find this piece "cheap and trite," I could use that in future development of my writings.

Thanks =3

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isloden In reply to Cherubic-Defect [2010-03-14 04:06:03 +0000 UTC]

I'm happy you took the time to read my critique without hostility or not taking the message somewhat seriously, as that's the first test of the writer;

Anyway, I find it unified for your poetry, but it is not quite so strong in some as in others. I will say my most disliked one was probably "Scribblings On A Bus Window". And yes it is quite obvious, which is why I'm probably so hostile to your poetry because it's something you're probably a bit too new to/inexperienced with to submit it without it being viciously received.

And thank you for the offer, I was honestly expecting a very unproductive reply, to answer your question...

I find that outside of the 'cheap and trite'ness of your poetry you're very good at evoking bizarre and unorthodox metaphors and images to express emotions aswell as certain thoughts towards the world that seems to revolve around not only you or your characters but just the general setting of it all.

Anyway, what makes your poetry trite in my opinion (ignoring the fact I answered your question out of order) has to do mostly with your usage of images than actually trying to have a sort of... I wouldn't say decent flow, (I suck at flow btw, so that's not what I mean) but it just doesn't sit right. Alot of your wording has the surreal 'Kid that saw too much, knows too much, and has eyes that will shatter reality' sort of vibe. I don't really know what kind of vibe most post-lit (as I call it) gives people, but it more or less seems to revolve around really surreal delivery in order to sort of create a mystery or whatnot. This would be a wonderful format or poem if this was new, in my opinion (Like if you were a pioneer in it) but for now it's grown cliche and over-done or just....

For instance, you know how if you're writing a fantasy story and a guy fights a dragon with a 'magical sword', it's not a BAD story or idea, but it's just an overwhelmingly overdone one that it's considered better to just not do it. That's the thing your poetry reminds me of, although it's still somewhat new it's become a cliche in my book and I advise you try to find different ways to express your poetry lest you become predictable and overlooked. Oh God, look at me rambling I'm not even backing this up with actual objectivity.

Anyway, your wording : 'endings are a matter of when, and beginnings start with the authors notes...' I get your initial point, but I think the wording was just poor because... It just doesn't make too much sense. Now, I know this goes along with the 'surreality' of the piece but it just seems like a cheap way of making a 'profound' comment.

'[because life's a comedy, meant to be plagiarized]' Is another example of this, you gotta see the thin line between using really cheap expressions and actually making really neat expressions. Unfortunately it's ridiculously hard for me to put into words how and I've become delirious. I'll continue this in another comment.

Gooday.

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Cherubic-Defect In reply to isloden [2010-03-14 05:44:09 +0000 UTC]

Isloden,

I read alot of post-modernism. It explains the cheapness, the cliches, and I suppose my newness to writing contributes to the poor word choice. I've only recently begun to study classical forms of literature in a proper and concentrated effort. Hopefully this improves my form and my understanding of the rules I should be writing within.

Obviously, since I'm stating that, I'm not interested in creating anything "new" or unique. I also don't tend or intend to be relatable, in writing or in personality. I don't write to be profound or inspire feelings in people.

I write because there is a process in me that happens. I study literature because I'm interested in learning how other people worked through that process and seeing what became of them. I express my thoughts onto paper (metaphorically) for my own benefit, and share it through deviantart in curiosity of what others might think of it.

I appreciate that you have voiced your opinion. I look forward to reading and drawing from submissions made in this group, especially yours.

Sincerely,

Brian Lisicky.

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isloden In reply to Cherubic-Defect [2010-03-14 07:19:15 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad to hear you're putting up an effort to grow as a writer, as that is never a bad thing.

'I also don't intend to be relatable, in writing or in personality.' Keep that attitude and you'll surpass most of the idiots on dA lit.

Well, you're talking about something that's extremely personal, putting yourself on the line for curiosity. They say curiosity killed the cat but I'm sure you've probably accepted the price with the rewards the comes from it.

Hey, you're alright, just keep trying to improve and aim for different ventures, writing wise. Also, I probably won't submit anything to the group, however you are welcome to browse my poetry in my gallery (the most recent being the 32 writing prompts.).

With regards,

Jason

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Cherubic-Defect In reply to cometrider [2010-01-01 20:34:31 +0000 UTC]

Awe! <3 Thanks ^_^. That is how my brain puts things together all the time... I didn't even mean for this to be a serious piece, it just sort of fell out of my ear .

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