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When In Rome...... — Description
"Mr Spencer, I know it must feel strange in those heels and padded bra, but this the only way to sneak you past that baying mob. They may be out for blood but they're still gentlemen and wouldn't attack a lady, which is why I escorted you out of the building myself and past that posse explaining to them that I was the Ambassador and you were merely a sales rep heading back to Norway. This is a disguise they'd never see through, you're not the first tourist to come here to the Pope's backyard and act like an idiot, and I know through experience that this femme mask and smart skirt suit will throw them off the scent and give you enough time to flee. Now here is your ticket for the 12.07 to Zurich where you will have to change trains"

"Thank you so much Mr Andrews, but what if someone talks to me? This face mask is blank and motionless like some kind of mannequin"

"Here's a card you can show to anyone, on it is written that you've had a botched facelift and your face muscles are temporarily paralyzed, all you can do is nod your head"

"And you really think I'm in the clear?"

"I hope so, they were really angry at you Mr Spencer, you don't come to Rome and use the shrine to St Agnolia as a toilet"

"I thought it was a medieval urinal! The next thing I knew loads of locals were chasing me with sticks and broken bottles. It's lucky your Embassy was only a couple of streets away, I claimed sanctuary but they were all gathered outside waiting for me to come out"

"Which is why, for the rest of the journey, your name is Miss Greta Johannson, the airport would be too obvious and they'd find you. So by taking a train out of Rome you can blend in with the other commuters and after several changes in several countries, you should be back in London the day after tomorrow. Just remember to use the ladies toilet and try not to draw any attention to yourself, since you don't have time to go back to your hotel and get your passport here's a special diplomatic pass written in several languages"

"Yeah, except English. What does it say?"

"It just says to border control guards that you're working for the Embassy, show it to them and they'll steer you in the right direction for the right trains. Good luck Miss Johannson, I hope I will never see you in Rome again"

"Thankyou Mr Andrews.....good bye"

"Ah, that's my phone ringing, goodbye Miss Johannson..... hello ....yes, she is leaving on the next train ... well, as an Ambassador I'm duty bound to help, but St Agnolia is my patron saint and that kind of offence won't stand .....I can't wait to find out what happens when she shows that diplomatic pass at the border .... but I'm sure someone will translate it when she's being detained at the first hurdle in Zurich ....yes, I'm sure she'll make a fine assistant to the Ambassador there, he loves a sissified secretary!"