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I'm just gonna get right to the point.
I... don't know who I am anymore..
I keep saying that I'm trans, correcting people when they misgender me, being outward about it.
But...
I don't know if I even want to be trans anymore.
I know it sounds stupid.
I know it sounds like trans was just a phase.
But it doesn't feel like it.
To be fully honest, it feels like an Identity Crisis.
I don't feel myself, no matter what I do.
I don't know what 'me' is.
Even though I like it when people call me a guy, I'm just not fully sure if I want to be this way for the rest of my life.
I want to be me.
Someone people can recognize.
Something worth people's time.
Yeah, I know this sounds like a load of bullshit.
But I really do feel this way.
I don't have much motivation for art, same with writing.
I try so goddamn hard to be recognized, to be loved and known.
But that's impossible if even I don't know who I am.
Or who I should be.
I feel like I just scare everyone away from being my friend.
They all give me excuses like
"I don't like trans people"
"Ew, you're a furry? No thanks."
"Gross, he's gay."
...
I don't want to be known in a bad way as who I want to be.
I want to be accepted.
Supported.
LOVED.
KNOWN.
But no.
I get hate, pushed down with words.
Threats.
And all the other bullshit.
Now, this here also sounds stupid, but is still true;
I just don't know whether I even WANT to be an artist anymore.
I don't want to quit entirely, but I feel like I might in the future.
Sorry for the massive vent.
Time for me to go to lunch :/