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DOOM 2016
Developed by: id Software.
Published by: Bethesda Softworks.
Genre: FPS.
Rated: 18 (Stong violence, gore, language, demonic imagery, and things NOT suitable for children).

What happened to First Person Shooters? They've really become monotonous and full on pretentious in recent years. I know it's a cliche but you really have to blame Call of Duty for this reviled transformation of the genre. Gone were the days of cartoonish weapons and one liners and in came the photo realistic military hardware and an almost preachy message of "WAR IS BAD" that you'd swear Call of Duty or Battlefield were written by Hideo Kojima. Yet one of the pioneers of the genre has returned from the depths of Hell to remind us all what a REAL First Person Shooter looks like! Fuck your tacticle missle strikes, you're 3 hour cutscenes and your ironsights. DOOM 2016 is less of a reboot but rather a revival of the good old days of this genre. From the ridiculous amount of weapons (that you can all hold instead of only carrying two) to the over the top, almost death metal approach to enviroments. This is the first FPS title I've loved the shit out since Blood Dragon.

For the record, I barely played the original back in the day but I remember having some fun with it. I'm more familair with it's siblings, Wolfenstien and Duke Nukem. So donning the DOOMGuy helmet properly for the first time was a welcome breath of fresh air from the unpleasant fart that was COD Ghosts. I went into this game completely blind, didn't watch any major reviews and avoided Let's Plays. Having finished the game in question I found doing this made it a more surprising experience. Considering this is DOOM and its about as suprising as hearing CNN hates Troy. DOOM4 (Which I'll be reffering to it with that name for the rest of this review to avoid confusion) understands its target audience very well. Placing the role of DoomGuy as less of a one note male power fantasy and more of a "he is a representation of you!" position. A stance the game asserts by putting the one note plot in the background and placing the killing spree above everything else. There is a plot to this game (which we'll get to in a sec) but it is really an afterthought in this entire game. The game further cements this gesture early on when DoomGuy smashes up a TV monitor as it begins to play a tedious "manditory audio log as demanded by the video games industry" as if to sympathise with the players that they're tired of this shit!

DoomGuy never says anything and has the personality of a member of Antifa in that VIOLENCE solves everything! Your brief interactions with the 3 other characters really serves on how comical this plot truly is. Since I've begun talking about it, let's go over said comical plot shall we? I'm fully convinced the game is taking the piss out of itself with this story. Set on the desert wastelands of Mars, we find a generic research facility attempting to solve a crippling energy crisis on Earth by harvesting raw energy from Hell. I would have loved to have sat in on that sales pitch.

Boss: Okay people, we're running out of resources on Earth! Any ideas?
Jimmy: Oh I know! We could begin harvesting energy from Hell itself! Plenty of energy down there!
Guy: I dunno, Jimmy. Remember when we tried that with oil? We had to fake so many "wars" just to get that oil without paying.
Jimmy: Don't you worry about that. We'll create a portal device to travel between both dimensions to get the energy.
Guy: Wait, Hell is a seperate dimension?
Jimmy: Sure it is.... I think.

Boss: .... You're both fired.
Geno: We could also form a pact with them, make it less awkward. Ya know?
Boss: That is the worst idea I have ever heard.... Worth a laugh I suppose.

DoomGuy was sealed within a tomb in the center of Hell (I'm guessing that relates to DOOM3 somehow?) but is promptly freed when the research project head is betrayed by "crazed scientist #49" who forms a pact with Hell. It's up to you to seal the portal between dimensions and murder the crazed scientist for her mutiny. After killing more bitches than a Truck of Peace, you finally catch up with the crazed scientist and before you can finish saying "Oh you were betrayed? What are the fucking chances of that?" she mutates into what can charitable be described as a cross between M.O.D.O.K. and Metroid Prime!

The story is a joke. It's a very gory and chaotic blood drenched joke that was written by an edgy gothic 12 year old.... And I wouldn't have it any other way! Mainly because it recognises that stories don't define the experience (Just don't tell that to IGN or Angry Joe for they may start crying) but rather the chaotic carnage of mowing down shitbags with giant guns is what truly matters.

Don't be a stranger, DOOM. I'd like a fucking sequel to this game!

Gameplay wise, it is pretty standard FPS fair. The real difference I found was the main method of combat. Now in more recent FPS games I played, you were required to rely on getting your cusor center screen (via an ugly iron sight) and getting "realistic kills." DOOM4 requires you to stay on your toes at all times. What works to its advantage is doing away with iron sights and reloading your weapons all together. With the shotgun, I can keep firing this thing until it runs out of ammo which was shocking at first but I fully welcome this change. Speed is of the essence and you need to keep the pace up if you want to survive. This is the fastest I've been in an FPS before. No shit, I'm running faster than a Swedish girl in a refugee neighbourhood! The variety of your weapons keep the frantic action to a high 11 from start to finish. You begin with a pretty basic pistol (which is sadly inferior to the Halo and Blood Dragon hand canons) and eventually aquired the legendary BFG 9000 which certainly lives up to its name. I did question why I needed 2 shotguns when I rarely found myself using the Super Shotgun in the long run.

Chainsaw came in handy against the summoner enemies but I detest how the it and the Big Fucking Gun have the least amount of ammo in the entire game. Granted if you had 10 rounds for each weapon, they'd effectively "break the game" but in a game as cartoonish and manly as this, would that be such a bad thing? I really enjoyed this game, it was the game Duke Nukem Forever wanted to be and has the length Blood Dragon seriously needed. It still isn't on par with Timesplitters 2, a game I consider the greatest FPS ever made, but this is a good 3rd place effort. What I've grown to detest with FPS titles in recent years is this tacky formula.

Walk forward - Cutscene - Do something - Cutscene - Walk forward - Cutscene....

DOOM4's approach harkens back to the likes of it's original and Wolfenstien. Instead of walking down linear corridors, you're stuck in a labyrinthian maze and the game basically says "Figure it out for yourself!" It refuses to hold your hand or flat out give tutorials as you play. The only attempt to "assist you" is by providing a destination marker on your hud but still leaves it up to you to figure everything out. I actually liked this approach for the constant hand holding in other games was begining to get on my nerves. The destination marker I actually welcome to this design for my experiences with Wolfenstien was a chore. I found myself getting lost amongst the samey looking enviroments so having a simple suggestion on where to go helps. Also make no mistake. If you play this game on normal difficulty... You will die. A lot.

The game does have a stiff learning curve and will punish you if you're not quick on your toes. The leigions of Hell start off with simple zombified goons, then resort to Kaiju sized abominations that you'd need your A-Game to bring to its knees. To aid in possible frustations, the game introduces new "Glory Kills" into the mix. Weaken an enemy first and he begins to glow, you then charge into them and perform a very satisfying take down move that rewards you with more health and sometimes ammunition. I was reminded by that cancelled Mega Man X FPS with the Glory Kills. Infact, I think I want that game to be uncancelled and finished after playing this game! Just lose that shitty art direction of course.

Enviroments are gorgeously rendered in sharp detail and the character models do the job effectively well. Having said that, the human animations are pretty stiff and almost puppet like in places and a lot of characters are attempting their best Dr.Claw impressions was amusing. As you progress you can buy weapon upgrades. These give your weapon a secondary function. Think the charged up weapons from Mega Man X or Metroid Prime as decent comparrsions. I found myself rarely using these features up until the final boss of the game for I had rarely to no need for them. I also like how I can instantly replay all of these missions again at my leisure which will make for great fun during Halloween... Or when I'm in the mood.

Finally, I do have one small criticism: The soundtrack. While not awful, I feel it's incredibly lacking. You'd think for a game as hardcore, macho and manly as DOOM4 they'd give this game a very heavy to death metal approach to the score. Yet what do we get?

Dubstep?

..... (sighs) I think on my next playthrough I'll just mute the soundtrack and play some metal on the PC while I play... That and Batmetal.

Ear Rape to one side, I highly recommend this title to those who have yet to have the pleasure. It's violent, it's hilarious and just the thing I needed after an endless pile of Call of Duty bullshit in recent years. Not only do I want a sequel to this game, I want to see a revival of this kind of FPS godammit! Bring Timesplitters out of retirement, give Duke Nukem a call and give me that ACTUAL Blood Dragon sequel you son of a bitch!

Or do I have to travel into Hell and glory kill the entire Ubisoft staff to get it?