HOME | DD

GAWI - Milton's Vault — Description

Cadence: LIVE! From and undisclosed location, iiiiiiiiit's GETTING AWAY WITH IT! With your host, PhantomX!
Phantom: Thank you, thank you! Welcome to Getting Away With It. The only show where gags don’t just pertain to JOKES!
Usually we try to stay away from sponsorships, but I spent a fortune on Coyote vs Acme Popcorn Buckets so we decided to let Milton promote his latest business venture for a few bucks.
Milton: A wise investment my friend. For I am here to talk to you about… THE FUTURE!
Phantom: Pandas in Jumpsuits? I was hoping for flying cars or a new kind of Cheese stick
Pyperhaylie: HMMPH
Phantom: Right? There has to be a way to make them better. Maybe an improved sauce?
Milton: AHEM. Can we PLEASE continue my discussion?
Phantom: Huh? Oh sure. Knock yourself out.
Milton: Thank you. The future is uncertain. War, famine, an all-digital PlayStation 6. Society could crumble at any moment. Thus, I've made a wise investment with VautTec.
Phantom: VaultTec? Aren't those the guys trying to genetically modify screaming corn?
Dusky shudders
Milton: Vaulttec is at the forefront of MANY scientific breakthroughs. But today I will be focusing on their self-sustained underground shelters. Particularly my personal shelter: Vault 7 of 9.
Milton hands Phantom a pamphlet
When the apocalypse hits, we stand to lose many rare and valuable species. So I've made it my mission to use my vast resources to preserve the rare and elegant PANDA.
Phantom: Are Pandas endangered in this world? I'm sure they're as common as foxes or Bears… Are you girls endangered?
All three nod
Phantom: It says here that this will be a… breeding compound…to repopulate…the great Panda species? Did you girls sign up for this?
Milton: Vaultetc's legal team has assured me that the mere act of reading their invite counts as consent.
Phantom to Panda Jenn: Can amphibians breed with Pandas? Is that a thing?
Jen looks mortified at the thought and uses all her willpower not to throw up in her gag
Milton: I can easily explain that you see---
Phantom raising a hand: STOP. I don't want to know. Let's just call it MAGIC.
Milton: You should really be open to new ideas Phantom.
Pyperhaylie struggles wishing to be as close minded as possible.
Phantom: Wait, what about that Red head you married? How does she feel about all of this?
Milton: Sigh. Alas Michelle and I have sadly parted ways…
Phantom: She figured out the combination to the dog crate.
Milton: She figured out the combination to the dog crate.
Dusky stops her foot
Milton: Never the less. With these three Pandas I will ensure a healthy spawn to preserve the species.
Phantom: But Dusky can't… Ya know what, I'm gonna let you figure that one out on your own.
Milton: It's a shame you're a married man Phantom. You're superior genetics would help produce a more resilient Panda.
Phantom: Would you believe that's not the first time I've heard that?
Milton: Though perhaps I could find room would you be open to sharing your wife and daughter…?
Phantom: I and they have killed people for suggesting less.
Milton: Don't say I didn't offer…
Phantom: So it looks like you've stocked an absurd amount of "Yum Yum Deviled Eggs"… Are these even FOOD?
Milton: Ofcourse. The Yum Yum Deviled egg is full of nutrition an alpha male like myself would require.
Phantom: It says the eggs come from an animal who's name I can't even pronounce. One of these pages just lists ingredients. Most of which are just chemical symbols, Nordic runes and redacted lines.
Milton: Ofcourse a lesser brained mammal like yourself would question scientific progress.
Phantom: I'm just saying this whole business sounds…
a large explosion rocks the building
Phantom: What the hell was that???
A voice over the comm system: WARNING TOXIC CHMICALS DETECTED. BIOHAZARD LEVEL 10
Milton: OH no! The bombs have dropped! Quick Phantom! We can escape to my vault and assess the situation!
Phantom: What about---
Milton: WE'LL SEND FOR THEM LATER! Please Phantom! We must secure the precious PANDAS!
Milton grabs dusky under his arm as Phantom shoulders Jenn and Pyperhaylie. The pair run off stage as orange smoke billows in.

Narrator: A Few Moments Latah…

Security Chief Gantu: Uh sorry sir… I Microwaved some fish again….
Looks around
Uh.. Phantom…? Sir…?
sigh
This is going to come out of my paycheck….
[Credits Roll]
Art and Story by Me
No Pandas were harmed or bred in the making of this episode.
Jenn belongs to
Dusky belongs to
Pyperhaylie belongs to
Next Week On Getting Away With It:
[GIF]