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ghostsofyou — I would give anything...
Published: 2005-07-25 06:28:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 59; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description
Forgive me.Did you see how the blood trickled down
Like a stream of uneven crimson tears
Wrapping around bones that cry to be broken
Like my heart was.
Screaming
(Screw the world)
…I’m going home this time…
Tomorrow comes
with air so heavy it gets stuck on the way down
And your thoughts of me escaping without words
Worthless.
Pathetic wretch.
Hypocrite.
Your eyes drove pain into my chest with every glance
I would give anything for you to just
Believe in me
Like you did when love was the only thing I knew of
Life.
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Comments: 2
This one confused me a bit. Reading it i saw so many good lines but it didnt flow. Every line had the same feeling to it but they didnt quite fit. You obviously have talent to write this and the shape is good also. Perhaps you should find some lines you like most of all and find what they bring to mind. Push those thoughts on and write them down then give some flesh to those bare bones.
Sorry if this comes off as harsh, im just trying my hand at a bit of critique and im tired at the moment 
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i really appreciate your suggestions and encouragement to keep working on this one. i want to get better, so it really helps when people point out what could be improved. i will have to look over this one more... i'm not sure what to do with it at this point
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