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Trying — Description
When you feel small or like you’re out of the game, wear something that makes you feel pretty and strike a pose. The best thing I’ve ever done for myself was deciding to use my camera in a therapeutic way. Getting dolled up and taking photos that make me feel beautiful. It started when I was a preteen, bullied in school and called ugly constantly. I remember pointing the camera at myself and taking photos and wondering if I’d see what they see when I’d review the footage. It has never been about vanity, attention, clout… if nobody ever liked my photos I would continue posting them. In my day to day life I dress very modestly now, usually jeans and a T-shirt with tennis shoes. But online, my persona takes over. She is daring, she wears her makeup like war paint, she wears things I would never wear outside of the house, she is confident and calculated with her moved, she evokes emotion, she is strong. She is everything I want to be, but don’t always have the courage to be… but she is me. She is just another facet of me. I guess in a way it is an ongoing art project. Maybe one day I’ll fully summon her in the real world. For now, just let me pretend.