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Hammer Birds — Description
Sometimes it feels like the world of natural history was built by ancient pranksters who vowed to make life for future researchers as difficult as possible. How else can one explain the utter insanity of naming conventions for both flora and fauna? What else could be the reason for the decades of classification attempts that are foiled at every turn? It seems that every other species I encounter or research has a name that makes zero sense (or is misleading) or its design and makeup makes it impossible to fit into a clear lineage. And let us not even get started on the involvement of magic! It is just a labyrinth of bizarre choices and concepts that baffles me to this day, but I guess it is part of the reason why I even got into this line of work. Maybe if things were so simple and clean, I would not have even gotten interested in this field, so I guess I can't harp on it too much. It provides challenge, intrigue and speculation, which I do enjoy quite a bit, but sometimes one must admit there is silliness in certain things. Like why does one clam species have "duck" in its name, and why is a large turtle called a "bird?"

That last question is of course a reference to the Hammer Birds that live upon the arid continent. They are found in deserts and canyons, their very appearance matching the stony, dry imagery of these lands. They spend most of their time either alone or in small groups, with most "flocks" reaching the maximum size of four individuals. They roam across the dry lands in search of vegetation and fruits to graze upon. Hammer Birds are mainly herbivorous, but some have seen them nabbing the occasional lizard or fleeing rodent. Cactus and other plump plants are a favorite dish, as they use their strong beaks to tear out chunks and ward off needles. These same mouth parts are invaluable when it comes to fruits or roots that are not so squishy. Tough rinds and shells are no match for their beaks, and if their jaws don't do the trick, a few hearty headbutts will. Since I mentioned the word "beak" I feel that I should explain why I dislike the name Hammer Birds. If you were to take a look at these creatures, you would indeed see why people call them "birds." They have a beak, a long neck, large legs that would fit a cockatrice and reduced forelimbs that are always seen on flightless birds. With all that in mind, I understand where the misconception came from, but it still is a bit annoying. This is because Hammer Birds are actually more related to tortoises than any bird. You probably noted the large humped shell on their back, which is a staple for this family. Turtles and tortoises also have beak-like mouths, which fits with the maw of the Hammer Bird. So in truth, they should be called "Hammer Turtles" or something like that, but the damage has already been done and the name has already become too ingrained into society. Plus people always have a hard time associating these creatures with tortoises, particularly due to their speed. With long hind legs and a counter weight tail, they can break into sprints of impressive speed. Surely a turtle could never move so fast! All the fables and stories say that tortoises are slow, so they must all be!

My irritation aside, Hammer Birds also get their name from their spiky beaks that give the impression of a horn or casque. This sharp curved structure is more like a horn, as it is solid and strong. This is used when it comes to cracking open tough fruits and nuts, as they thrust their heads forward and smash the stubborn morsel to pieces! This action is powered by their necks, which are packed with muscle and are capable of moving at incredible speeds. It is similar to many other turtles, who can stretch their necks out much longer then one would expect! By combining their strength with these tough horns, they can crack open shells or send a foe flying! Obviously such a handy tool can double as a weapon, and the Hammer Birds do not hesitate to use it. When threatened, they will try to run away, but if they are cornered, they can become powerful opponents. Their heads will retract into their shell, protecting their vulnerable necks. As the predators move in, it will aim to keep itself facing towards the foe, waiting for them to come closer. When one takes a step too far, that spiky mace of a face will launch out and deliver a paralyzing blow! The force of this impact can easily break bone, and many foolish folk have stumbled away from an angry Hammer Bird with a bunch of cracked ribs. A strike to the head can knock someone out cold, or just knock them dead, so don't get any funny ideas around this species. If a Hammer Bird has its head retracted and is letting out a warning hiss, move back. Fast.

Their ramming defense also plays a part when it comes to claiming mates. When breeding season rolls around, Hammer Birds will come together to find a potential partner. Males will fight over females, using their horns to knock their opponent around. The aim of the game is to knock the challenger off their feet, which is a sign of strength and superiority. The winner will claim the female, until the next foe approaches. When all is said and done, the female shall lay a clutch of six hard shelled eggs. These nests will be dug out from the hot sand, which will do all the incubating. Even with that, the female shall guard the nest until the young hatch, batting away predators with horn and tail. The resulting young will follow their mother around, gaining protection and food through her presence. Since they don't have the strength to crack open tough fruits, they will leave that work to mom. In time they will part ways, and they shall face the dangers of the desert alone.

Hammer Birds are quite well known by many cultures, as their impressive horns and aggressive defenses are hard to miss. Their shells and plates are valued for lightweight armor and shielding. In lands where metal is not in abundance, their tough hides and shells are used instead to craft armor. Their butting heads are a popular image when it comes to weaponry, as many hammers, axes and maces have been crafted in their likeness. As for food, Hammer Birds have proven to be more trouble than what they are worth. Humans, dryads and others have found that taking down one of these beasts is way too risky for the amount of meat one gets. I do recall a while ago that a certain group of farmers were looking to use this species as livestock. In theory, a domesticated Hammer Bird would be much calmer and a lot easier to cull. After several broken bones, multiple concussions and dozens of wrecked fencing, these folk quickly gave up this prospect. Better to stick with Common Cockatrices than these armored, angry beasts.

Chlora Myron

Dryad Natural Historian

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It took me a while to post this one, as I realized I should draw an example of what they look like with neck extended. Much procrastination followed, and finally here we are!