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DN -- If Only... — Description
HOMG, EMI'S POSTING?!?!?!?!?!
STOP THE F***ING PRESSES!!!
(*THUD!!*)

So, why exactly have I been so dead lately?
Blame these two!
For those who don't know, they are two of the main characters from the anime/manga Death Note, L (black hair) and Near (white hair).

I have been fangirling over these two like crazy ever since Anime Boston ’08, but why?
To be honest, most of the time, I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE!!!
Maybe I should start from the beginning…

(*WARNING! LOOOOONG, AND CONTAINS SPOILERS!!*)

Actually, I had already heard of Death Note, but that’s just it. I had only heard of it. My sister was in love with it and she had warped our mom into loving it (and know I think she loves it more than my sister does!) so I had heard about it every now and then in between their conversations, and they mostly involved L. They even had the first three DVDs, and I was immediately turned off from it just by glancing at the covers.
VOLUME 1:
Light (The so-called “main” character) sitting on a chair with an apple and an evil expression.
AMBER’S THOUGHTS: …He looks like a douche…
VOLUME 2:
L sitting on a chair in his usual fashion.
AMBER’S THOUGHTS: THIS is the guy they’re so in love with? He looks like a freakin’ pill-popper!
VOLUME 3:
Ryuk (Shinigami, or God of Death) just floating there with an apple.
AMBER’S THOUGHTS: OMG WTF IS THAT?!?!
So, obviously, I wanted nothing to do with it.

But, as fate seemed to have so desired, I was forced to sit through some Death Note-related material when watching the nominees for the AMV contest.
The very first one, called “Escaping, But Not Far”, which used the song “The Bird and The Worm”, by The Used (and also the winner of Best Drama) completely sucked me in.

(It’s a great video, but it does pretty much run through the whole series in, like, four minutes, so they’re spoilers, but if you wanna see it anyway, click here to download it!
[link]
Or, watch it here on YouTube!
[link]
[It was recorded live, though, so it’ll be kinda fuzzy and have the audience reactions, but in my opinion, THAT WAS THE BEST PART!!])

The moment L came into the picture, the entire audience went STUPID. I was in slight shock (and my sister was squealing “I’m not alooooooooone!!”) but went with it, becoming slightly intrigued by this strange man since he was so popular.
The second his heart attack hit, and everyone was yelling and crying…I felt my blood run cold.
I felt SO sad (I even teared!!)…AND. I. HAD. NO. IDEA. WHY.
And you wanna know the weirdest part?
I KNEW!!!
I KNEW he was gonna die for two reasons:
1. My dad said so. How HE knew, I dunno.
2. My sister found out, and reacted accordingly for the whole house, including me, to hear: “NOOOOOOO!! MY L!!!”

And yet I still cried my eyes out! WHY?!?!?!
My mom claimed that I had an extremely empathetic nature, which makes me feel for people I don’t even really know (or apparently more than I should; do you guys have any idea how often I feel SO BAD for the FREAKING TRIX RABBIT?!?!?!)
After that, I became obsessed.
Really.
I asked my mom and sister more and more about Death Note, mainly L-related questions (“What was he like?” “Why does he eat sweets so much?” “Did he ever smile?”), and I looked him up nonstop on my sister’s laptop when we crashed at our hotel room.
It wasn’t until my mom made a certain comment after I showed them an L fanart I thought was cool that I realized just what was wrong with me.

“Aww, look at you falling in love with L.”

(Which was closely followed by my screech of “WHAT?!” and my sister’s screech of “MINE!!”)

I had honestly not thought that far.
I just wanted to know more about him!
…On a bit of an obsessive level, but I digress…

So, when we got home, I made sure to watch those three DVDs we had, and though I think it’s a very strong, original, and well-written storyline, it SUCKS (C’mon, admit it! The story’s really sad!!) and I mainly just watched it for L.

Well…until Near came along.

Again, I remember raising my eyebrow when the little snowball came along in the music video. (L had a kid? I thought) so, of course, I asked my sister and mom about him, too. Unfortunately, all they could tell me was that he was L’s successor; they hadn’t really gotten that far in the series yet, and I had to look him up on my own.
Which I did.
And pretty much the first thing I learned?
NOBODY LIKED THIS KID.
Okay, I have seen some fans, but they pale in comparison to the haters. I soon figured that they were either bitter L fans, those who prefer Mello (*scoff…*), or those who’re actually on Kira’s side. (WTF?!)

Though also a bitter L fan, I didn’t want to just dismiss Near simply because he was replacing L, so I tried giving him a chance…
…and I gotta say, I’ve had better first impressions on people.
“If you can’t win the game, if you can’t solve the puzzle, then you’re just a loser.”
(What he said after learning of L’s death.)
That p***ed me off SO MUCH, but before I could give into the shared desire to dropkick him back to last year, I learned that that line was complete bulls**t, and that he did indeed adore L as a successor should (however, I had to learn this by reading the manga, because the anime completely destroyed his character. However, the anime seemed to have figured that out, because in a bit of a remake of the second part of Death Note, known as Death Note Rewrite 2: L’s Successors, there are two scenes that, in my opinion, showed Near’s admiration towards L.
1. [link] (Sorry, they’re kinda subbed in Italian)
Near remembers how L spoke with him and the other children at Wammy’s House, an orphanage for gifted young children, and looks clearly p***ed as he thinks about how Kira killed him. He then knocks over his dominoes (Yes, he plays with toys. It’s sweet!) so that they fall to form L’s name (uh...letter...).
2. ht--tp://--www--.--youtube--.--com/watch?v--=--p--PziRrltyd4 (Around 6:40, and get rid of the hyphens, obviously; sorry, but when I wrote the address, it turned into an emoticon halfway through and ruined the entire link)
Near contacts Light, who he suspects of being Kira and who is also the Second L. Light answers his call, but Near doesn’t respond right away. He just glares at the L on the screen with a bit of an “YOUARENOTMYL!!” air surrounding him. A part of me couldn’t help but go “Aww!” at it.

So after I learned that Near did indeed care for L, I was willing to give him a chance again.
And he proved to be just too cute to hate!
Many people hate him because they see him as a bit of a back knockoff of L, but though I can plainly see the similarities, they comfort me rather than disgust me. And, as time went on, I found myself longing to be there for him and take care of him.
Once those thoughts hit my head, I smiled softly. “Well, here I go again…”
Interesting fact: Near is the very first crush I realized I had a crush through simple realization rather than through a confusing/awkward event. (For example, crying for someone I hardly knew, screaming out for them in worry when they get in trouble/hurt, getting insanely jealous and not knowing why, etc.)

So, yeah, these two completely captured my heart for slightly unfathomable reasons, but I think I can sum them up in a simple manner.
They, like myself, are constantly misunderstood and either physical or verbally abused on a regular basis, act in uncommon ways/methods, find enjoyment in a single thing that nobody else seems to get, and though they value their solitude, seem lonely.
Also, I know that there’s a whole lot more to them than they let on, and I yearn to be the one to touch that part of them (yeah, yeah, what an original fangirl fantasy). But even if I could, I probably still couldn’t, because they place puzzles and cases above all else.
So this is a personal fantasy of mine, Just the three of us, the only people who could fully understand each other, together. No dangerous puzzles or cases, no Kira, no Mello, no idiotic Japanese Task Force or vicious Kira supporters to belittle or harm us.
Just us…together…and caring for each other…

…if only…

Death Note/L/Near belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takashi Obata
I…hopefully, belong to myself…

(And no, he's not carrying us; we're lying on the floor...)