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Reality (Trigger warning) — Description
Final project for Photography class.

EDITING TO ADD:

I ended up getting 95% overall in this class. My teacher was impressed with this project, and we spent a long time talking about it after class. He told me I was the only one in the class to put so much thought into the theme, and I nailed it. He was one of the few things I will miss about high school. He was one of the few people I felt comfortable enough to open up to in the midst of my struggles, and he was there to help as best he could. He was so understanding, and we still keep in touch occasionally on Facebook. I had been such a nervous wreck to hand this in, I was struck with anxiety and panic attacks for days before handing it in. Even though I had given him some warning that it was a sensitive subject for me, I was so scared of what he'd think. I wasn't afraid of him telling my parents, because they already knew and understood, but I was more afraid of him not being able to think of me the same as before. Thankfully it was all good.

I never did add the write up we were required to hand in with it, so I will add that now...

"My theme demonstrates my own personal struggles throughout the
past while. I used photography as a way to express myself during a difficult time
in my life, and it tells a story of myself during a time of suffering, as well as
recovering and on the road to feeling better. I understand that this is a dark
subject to try and explain or understand, but nevertheless, it is a part of who I
am. Not necessarily a part I’m proud of, but it’s something that’s difficult to
change. Part of feeling better requires long kept secrets to be let set free, and
you have to learn to allow yourself to be vulnerable in a way if you wish to
improve yourself. Tear down your walls and let people in who deserve to be
there, and forget about the ones who don’t. My parents and friends have helped
me tremendously, along with the guidance of my therapist, and this set of
photographs serves as a personal reminder that this isn’t my only option when
things get rough from here on out. Better things are to come in 2012. I’ve been
slowly learning how to help myself pick up the pieces, and take to things in a less
destructive manner, such as using photography again as a better way to express
myself.

The series of images starts with a photograph of myself. Smiling, happy,
and appearing to be “normal” to most. This is how people most often describe
me. As the series continues, I expose what is beyond that surface, that many
people would have difficulty understanding. The depression, anxiety, addiction,
and struggles to cope with on a daily basis. Near the end of the series, I
demonstrate that things are starting to look up. Taking paintbrush to paper and
using my passion of art as a better method, and that love is louder than the
pressure to be perfect. That quote is very dear to me, and it serves as a daily
reminder towards myself."

After 3 years, I can finally say that things are looking up. As I write this, I am just over 4 months free of self harm. It took many relapses, over a years worth of therapy sessions, countless journal entries and phone calls, and the occasional hospital visit before I got to this point. I take it day by day, some are harder than others. I wouldn't say I'm "recovered", because I think this will be a part of me for the rest of my life. However, I'm doing the best I can, and I'm proud of how far I've come. Please know that you're not alone, if you're struggling with depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide, or self esteem/body image issues, please get help. Or talk to me, I'm always here to listen. Although I have learned a lot of important things about myself throughout this, I wish I had known just how easy it is to become dependent on this destructive lifestyle. If somebody was there to tell me that 3 years ago, maybe things would have been different, and I wouldn't have to worry about explaining my scars to people when they ask. Each and every one of you are important, and have absolutely every right to be happy. Please know that you're not alone, and that recovery is possible and worth it. ♥ Make healthy decisions, and if you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.

-Demi