HOME | DD

[UPDATE] Choco — Description

Hello everyone! I am writing this while on sick leave for the 3rd time this past 2 months.
I’ve been thinking about making this update for a long time, but I always struggle to put my thoughts into actual words. This time though,
I really feel the need to get this out of my system and let you all know what’s going on in my life.

As some of you may know I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis back in 2017. At the time I didn’t really know what that would mean.
All I knew was that there is no cure and that it might affect my daily life moving forward.
Now, to the actual update. Last year I finally got out of unemployment. I got a job as a janitor, working for a small cleaning company.
I managed to lose weight and get into better shape, even my muscles were growing back! I had more energy than I did in years.
My health was finally improving. Until now.

I started having flare ups early this winter, around February. Sleepless nights, chronic aches and fatigue were becoming my norm again.
I keep working as I am used to being in pain. I then seem to get colds more easily. I called a doctor to get some sick leave,
after all I have worked for 8 months without breaks at this point. Nothing seems too out of the ordinary, so I get a few days of sick leave to heal up.
This happens again after a while, with a different flu.
Then I get covid.
After a 5 day leave I am back to work. I don’t feel like I’m fully recovered yet though, and I struggle with fatigue for weeks after.
Not long after my pain gets worse, the aches in my hands, wrists, knees, hips, ankles and toes start to get unbearable at night.
I wasn't able to sleep. I had no energy. I remember this feeling, I’ve felt this before. This must be more serious than I thought.

I see my occupational health physician, and get yet another sick leave. This time I am prescribed medication to help with my illness.
We schedule a control appointment at the end of August with some lab tests. It seems my rheumatism has activated, and walking is straining my legs,
causing swelling and aching in my joints. I should be able to return to work after 5 days of rest, with the help of my new medication.
And soon enough I am back to work. Until yesterday.

My condition keeps worsening, despite reducing the hours I work, resting every day and taking my medication as prescribed.
Every day after I get home from work I go straight to bed. I haven’t seen friends and family for a while. I’m too tired. I only worked for 3
hours and I barely have the strength to keep my own home clean. I barely have time to draw. All my energy goes to cleaning at my job.
I had to make a difficult phone call. I know my employers need me, they don’t have anyone to cover my shift. But I need to heal.
I’ve told them so many times that I am sick, why won’t they understand? It’s not like I want to be ill. I much rather work, so I can provide for myself.
Why do they make me feel guilt over this? I have done my very best, I swear. I even kept working when my legs were giving up.
I couldn’t even walk home, but I kept going.

So, as of now I am back on sick leave, again. This sucks, but I can’t work when my body hasn’t fully healed yet.
It would just cause more harm than good, and I will end up taking more and more leave. I want to work to be able to afford my dream.
I want to study, start my own business and become a freelancer. I wanted to start working towards this goal 3 years ago.
There seems to be something standing in my way, always. But I won’t give up!

I will use this time to look for other jobs, plan out and design my very own website, finish up current commissions and maybe even start a new art project.
And most importantly, I will be resting as well. I hope to get back to work soon, whatever that work might be.

Back in 2017 I sure didn’t think my illness would be this disabling. I didn’t identify as disabled back then, but now this illness is very much affecting my daily life.
Not to the point that I need a caregiver, but to the point that I can’t work 8 hours a day, like everyone else.
I now realize that I am not able to hold a job if this keeps happening.
Maybe pursuing a career as a freelance artist isn’t such a bad idea? I would be able to work from home, as a disabled person.
Maybe someday I can make my dream come true.
But that time isn’t here just yet.

I want to thank you for reading all the way here, even though this is very different from my usual content.
I want to keep my followers and potential customers up to date. I hope you have a lovely day, and stay healthy!